I used to captivate by others' life. Jealousy erodes my confidence, the whole part of my heart, nothing left inside me. It's just a body with an incomplete soul, a spirit that linger around, yet nowhere to be found.

I have to find the right me. I have to coordinate my thoughts. I have to learn to depend on me.

Coz you'll never know how much do I hate the current me.

Being nerdy these few days (coz my final has started *died*), being active these few days as well (sweaty that kind of active >.<).

I know I'm such a half-dead blogger who always get her blog neglected. Apparently, I have more meaningful things to do in the other hand? *sweat*

Hahaha, for people who knows, and for those who don't know. An awesome mission/action of mine is in the progress. wtf hahahaha.

Just a task for myself, so you need not to waste a second to guess about it. ya, I'm serious, I don't find the point for telling. Just pray for me that I can make things nice. =)

Being breathless after every meal lately. As if I've eaten too much? Disgestion doesn't work on me? or I am already an old woman? T_____T I should work every way out to make myself feel healthier.

盖了电话的五分钟后，我觉得很不舒服。一定要把所有的话写下来。

我扮演着一个忠实的听众；一个可以倾诉的对象；也许也可以说是 一个可有可无的朋友；一个会说许多伤人的话的坏人。

很想维持却越是疏远的关系，我已经处于放弃的边缘。要说的话，已经说完；要做的事，从来没机会做到。

很想伸手把你拉出来；很想狠狠地把你打醒；很想一起进步；只是很想你会开心点。

看着堕落但又不承认的你， 越是让我担心。但担心慢慢演变成了失望。再多的分析，道理已经是无谓；再多的关心，陪伴也已经是多余。

知道是不应该，就要放手，苦苦强求，受伤害的一定不会只是你自己。当你伤得遍体鳞伤的当而，身边的人又何其不是伤得不轻？

深知这是一个不会被人认同，不会有结果的感情。 你又在挣扎些什么？争取些什么？

你说放不下，所以我做再多的事情，讲再多安慰的话，也只是白费，也只是废话。那么你又何必再找我？

为什么只有你伤心的时候会找我？为什么开心的时候又不会和我分享？为什么我伤心和无助的时候，我又不会找你？答案很简单，因为我会听你对我说的话；因为你不会想要和我分享；因为我知道你帮不到我，你也不会有时间陪我。

如果，他在你心中是那么那么的重要，我做再多也只是干扰。你不如省多点时间陪他？为何要浪费时间陪我去做一些你根本不感兴趣的事？你认为这样对我会公平一些？

我知道你也疲累不堪了，但固执和坚持只会让你越陷越深。除了你自己，没有人可以帮你了。身边的人也被你这固执的想法搞得失望透了。

思想应该和年龄相对比才对啊，不要怪朋友看你不起，就连你自己也看不起自己了，不是吗？其实，还有很多更有意义的事在等着你做，还有更多比他更爱你的人，不要再给自己借口浪费时间了，人生比你想象中来得短，是时候对自己好一点，对自己负责任的时候了。

我想，我已经把我要说的话，无数词地重复再重复了。也不想再多讲了，所以决定把它写下。

给自己时间，但不要太久，你会想通的，你可以放手的，你也可以幸福的！

（不要问我， 你我他是谁，没有解释的必要。我只是很想把我不想再重复的话写 下。就那么简单。应该明白的人，我相信她会明白的。）

Assignments, classes, assignments, assignments....kept on doing the same things lately. I just found out that san also felt boring and unsatisfied with current life. It's just so dead, yet we can do nothing to change it, coz at the end we still have to submit all the works.

I'll go for my internship on next sem, most probably going to a production house in South City.

Bad things always happen to me, the company facing a dramatic change, should I say so? hmmm, but don't think I have other options... well, I'll be there for four months only, only? hmmm, I can't tell whether I can make it through not, we'll see. Maybe I'll complain everyday after work, or maybe I'll like there. Who knows?

aiks, pray for me la~~~~

OI, I think I'm gonna to lose the challenge. coz, I've taken fish for me dinner just now. yeah, fish, at Manhattan Fish Market. Okay, not just fish....

DENG DENG Our favourite - Grilled Gala Fish Platter

=.= ya. I've taken shrimp, garlic rice, fish, chips and mussel. Share with Joee of course, and her roomate. (p/s: before 8pm, still acceptable, right? ) *fainted*

OK, tomorrow will be another day which full of assignments and classes. CIAO.

How I wish I know what shall I do now.


How I wish I able to live my life better.


How I wish I can stop nagging on every little tiny thing.


How I wish I can be fair to myself.


How I wish I'm not so alone.


How I wish I can widen my social life.


How I wish I can finish my assignments nicely.


How I wish I can wake myself up.


How I wish you can love me more.

最近爱上了听歌，而且是旧歌， 不是老歌， 哈哈哈哈。

可惜不是你，很喜欢这首歌的词，唯美，感伤。。。 没有很贴切地形容着我的过去或什么，只是喜欢。

最近觉得很孤单，生活很平淡，每天不停地在重复着一样的作息。我的世界看似喧哗， 喧哗的背后越是宁静， 丁点生命力也找不到。

这样的时刻（A moment like this），哈哈哈。。。 超喜欢这首歌的。 很有意义。深沉地想想， 什么时刻是我最期待的，没有，真的没有。可悲啊。。。你呢? 最期待什么时刻？

最近很懒，做什么都提不起劲来，不喜欢自己做的东西，觉得很无聊。

很不解我到底要的是什么，拥有的又是什么。

The streets

Guess where am I now? The place that I'll barely visit, library. I think the librarian hates me. T____T It's been like 3 years, I didn't wear sleeveless shirt once I step out of my house, but you know what the brilliant librarian said? She asked why am I wearing sleeveless shirt here? wtf, what's wrong with her eyes? I'm with a simple Tee with sleeve, okay? but she's not that rude actually, just kept on remind me to put on my jacket. ok, acceptable.

Here came another weird librarian, I was sitting at the same table with San and Be, and he approached to ask one of us to go to the next table, coz the tables in this area are for 1 or 2 person only?

What's on earth they provide such a large enough table here, yet just max 2 peoples are allowed to use it at one time? what's rule is this? stupid!! Well, I truly understand the difference between UPM and other colleges or uni, and why UPM unable to fight with other local Uni nor colleges. The regulations here are stupid and unnecessary! And the so called conservative- thinking they have, will only worsen the quality of this study place! Haih...

Okay, forget bout the sad things. Yesterday we (San, Be and I) went Midvalley to watch Step Up 2 The Streets. Wohoooo~~~~ very nice! I have to admit that it's better than Jumper.

Wohooo~~Briana Evigan is bloody hot, in the poster.

The dancing scene were super great! especially the scene they dancing in the rain! I can't help but overwhelmed by excitement, I clap hands after they finish dancing, I totally forgotten that I'm in the cinema HAHAHA, idiot me. Ermmmm, Be said Step Up 1 is better than 2, well, for me, both also very nice, I mean the storyline, the music and the dances.

Andie( staring by Briana Evigan) is not very pretty, and we kept on saying she's quite 'dai jiek', I mean muscular, hahaha, but she looks 80% similar to Cecilia Chong, their face and their voice are so alike. I love her white dress that she wore at Missy's (her friend)BBQ party, so so nice ah!

Chase Collins (staring by Robbert Hoffman) can dance very very well! very "ying" when he's doing popping? mmmm, not so sure what's the dance's name. Moose (staring by Adam G. Sevani), a cute character, his facial expression is so funny! =D he's a great dancer as well.

Oh my~~~~~ I so wanna to learn hip hop, salsa or whatever, I wanna dance! Stretch your body everyone, and ready to dance! =D BYEBYE!

<3

Stop asking me why am I being single all this time (well, it's been like 4 years? I didn't have a boyfriend, waaaaa, quite a long time man! =.=) It's just traumatized me indirectly... nahhhhh, ain't that bad for being single I would say, instead of having a partner/bf just because you want to, right?

And I'm bored with the "you like which kind of guy?", "You seriously don't have a bf?", "Are you expecting too much?"... this kinda questions. Coz I dare not to set the qualification nor the requirements of my future bf, it's not because I don't care about it, I just realised that when you're choosing people, you are being chosen too. know what I mean? please bear with my lousy english. >_<

Frankly, I did felt lonely for being alone all this time, of course exclude the time having friends around, but what can I do to solve this loniliness? Nothing much except of improving myself, agree?

Improvement that I mentioned doesn't merely refer to the process of upgrading of my physically look, smart girls can find their love too (what I'm saying is faces sometimes is not as important as attitude/brain), am I right? I was under an obsession of being naive, I mean 没内涵. I don't think guys nowadays will want a pretty-but-no-brain gf? well, okay, some of the guys do. To satisfied their ego-ness? Or being protective towards their petite gf can makes them happy? fine fine, gotta admit that pretty-face-with-also-brilliant-brain girl does exist!!

Wait a minute, what's about the guys? Could I say that we can hardly find a handsome-plus-smart guy now? @_@ okay, they do living in the same planet which I'm living *wtf*, just the possibility for us to meet is like 0.001% lo.... why? coz I really haven't see this kind of guy before. Most of the guys I've encountered were not mature enough( for me la, coz I'm childish enough, can't make my life more miserable by having a more immature bf than me, right?) *wtf again* (sorry, been influenced to use these 3 alphabets for reading others' blogs frequently, no bad intend I would explain, just feel that 'wtf' actually works like the word 'sweat', don't you think so?)

What's on earth that makes me written this post? Like what I've mentioned at the beginning of the post that people wonder why am I still single and having my notebook as my companion 24/7 while desperately for hugs? This is the first time for me to declare or to expose my point of view on the love or relationship thingy. Somehow, I don't think I've given a content answer on this, while I have thousand of uncertainties inside me....what am I saying?

And just a minute ago, I flipped through CLEO (March issue) and stopped at the horoscope page which I'll skip it all the time (I don't belive that there're only 12 types of people out there. =.= but since it's month for Pisces, I gave it a glance. xP )

To fit this topic, I'll only include LOVE MATCH here: Like your symbol, the two fish swimming in opposite directions, you don't know where you want go or what you want to do so someone grounding and sensitive is important. He'll also need to be advanterous, open to new experience and someone you can look up to.

TRY: Taurus, Cancer, Virgo, Scorpio, Capricorn. hmmm, this is quite accurate after all.

It's quite accurate lar wei~~~HAHAHA. Okay, guys with the horoscope that I've written, free to have a cup of tea? wtf *fainted*

OK, I shall end here. Raining heavily here and it's midnight now. This reason firm enough for me to head to bed now! NITEZZZzzzzzzzzz

(p/s: wish me luck to find my Mr. Right soon. =D )

没那么爱他

Another very nice song by Fan Fan.

Hmmm, would wanna dedicate this song to an ex-friend of mine. I know you've been struggled for your love, so hard. It's not the matter that she's loving some other person now, it's not the matter that your relationship couldn't be accepted by others.

It's the matter that you're losing yourself, finding for her attention every seconds, and tend to control her life, you became immatured, you even willing to lose a best friend because of her by telling lotta heart breaking words towards your best friend.

Althought, we are not as close as last time. Although, I do not like you for many disappointing and heart breaking reason you've given to me, as a friend. Yet, I felt so sad to know that you're stuck in this situation now.

You're not the only one who's hurt. Try to let go, that's the best solution for all of you, at least for youself. Don't live in the neverending hurting process anymore. Take a deep breath and let go~

You know? 你其实没那么爱她。

I believe that you can find a better one, I believe that WE can.

yaya, went yee sang dinner for the 3rd round! with another gang of friends.

Hmmmm, I planned this dinner from the 1st day of CNY. Many things happened, that I never thought of it to happen.

Well, misunderstanding really can bring disaster. Despite it's just a simple and small dinner, but still, it became complicated due to some miscommunication.

At last, left 6 of us. (poichin, san, me, be, xinrou & xintian)

Frankly, I'm quite disappointed and pissed off for the plan to being 'ruin'... I meant that, but when I calm myself down, it's not as worst as what I think, and they got reason for not joining.

And it did make us mess a little, I mean our friendship between someone and someone. (oh man, it's just a dinner!) Everyone should be more mature next time in handling this kind of situation, choi~~~~ won't happen again.

ok, I hope everything is ok now, no more misunderstanding, no more heart breaking *sweat*, no more disappointment... bla bla bla. =) we're still good friends (too far to reach best... wtf)

talk what also fake. =.= （讲么都假）, eat first.... =.=

HAHAHAHA. Anyway, thumb up for the fish!

Lou Sang!!!! This was my 2nd lou sang in year 2008(4th day of CNY). And with a nice mood! =)


yeah!! 身体健康， 减肥成功， 快点毕业， 嫁给有钱人， 母啊哈哈哈哈！！！！=D


Dishes of the day! yipiiie, even it's not abalone or bird nest, but I enjoy the lunch so much! I like to hang out with friends! =)

We went houses to bai nian, at first I was refused to join the bai nian. But I have no regret to join after that!

hahaha, because it reminds me the time we spent together during secondary school. (actually the main reason is to get more ang pao , LMAO) Well, we had good time talking craps, talking gossip, talking about our future and planning for the next gathering even we know it's hard to have one, coz lotta of our friends study abroad now. T____T

I want a time machine, to travel back to form 4, I love that year! The more we grown up, the more realistic we become. aiks...

Alright, just look forward, maybe it's not as negative as I thought. Luck and happy time, please come to me! minimanimo~~~~

After paying Leefung's house a visit, we went Jusco to watch CJ7 and have our dinner and do some shopping!
The dress very nice, right? ya, like it so much, SEED dress, but it's quite expensive for me. T___T another unreachable dress. nola, dress, wait me, I'll go steal my daddy's money and buy! yeah!!! *wtf*see again! hahaha. But I wonder can wear it with pants not, nice ah? I can die if want me to wear skirt. >__<

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DENG DENG! We met Seung Kang ah! Very happy! I like to met old friend, I'll have undescribable feelings.... -.- I'll so wanna hug them. hahaha, but I didn't hug her, she'll shock if I do that. hahaha

Actually we did met another not so close classmate there also, but so sad, she assumed that she didn't see us. Whatever! Not big deal.

Ok, it was a nice outing I would say. Eventhough there's no special activity, but still, love it.

okok, Kwan Min here to say gong hei and byebye! hahahaha. xp

And people, HAPPY VALENTINE's DAY. I know I know, not yet 14/2, nvm la , make no difference to me. *sob sob*

p/s: I had my nissin noodle with heart shape egg that night. sweet ler, the chef~~~~~ *faint*

Just a short update for the CNY. I think many of you know that I'm not in a good mood these few days, without reason. I think most probably is CNY hates me *wtf* hmmm, maybe Im bored? *cough cough* anything la, as long as I need not to go back to uni to see all the nerdies and all the lecturers. =.=

Chu xi, the reunion dinner day. As usual, after we had our dinner, we head to Parkson to do the last minute shopping. I didn't really buy myself clothes, I just bought some facial cleanser and lotion. Wanna thanks Yuen Tze for the sundae!

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Chu 1, went my hometown, the history town, Malacca. -.- I'm surprisingly quiet the whole day, not very close with my father's side relatives, can't really get myself into their conversation. Never mind, once a year only.

Vegetarian day, hmmm, consumed lotta flour, I would say. >___<

Spent my day feeling dizzy, went here and there.

Seldom take photo with YuenTze, the cousin. When I put this as my msn display pic, some of them thought I finally found my love. oh my~~~~ I bet lovers will take pic with this distance? I mean, not close at all. -.- (usually, lovers will stick together face to face, aren't they?)

We paid the temple a visit too that night. The temple near my grandpa's house. My cousin said wanna go pray pray, and some of my cousins were photo shooting freak, so they took their very pro camera and snap here and there, while I snap them with my lousy hp.

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Chu 2, another usual day, but considered as most happening one among the past few days? not in the noon though, I spent all the time lingering at home during the day time. T_____T pity me. But, we had a simple BBQ at night. It's very simple with only hotdogs and fishballs and nuggets and sparkling juice.

I have the girl's body with boy's soul. *wtf* I help brothers with the fire thingy, (ya, you know what I mean) while the girls prepare the food. *both my hands now were like after eating lemons, sour ahhhh*

Fishballs, my favourite! I hate hotdog!!

Janice, Ceres, me, Bro, Daniel, Eliceta and Tze.


You want fishball, laptop or me? *faint*


Good angle produced good picture. =) (special thanks to photoshop as well) *sweat*

Yinky, the ambassador for sparkling juice, with her fans, the geek. -_______________-

I was so high throughout that night, laugh like no tomorrow. Sparkling juice can make me drunk?

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3rd day of CNY, went Fortuna Palace restaurant to have yee sang dinner with family. Was in bad mood again, people around me were fed up and wonder with the swing of my mood. Was in semi anti-social mode. -_____-

Taken nap in the afternoon that I would never take usually, nap will make me feel dizzy. And woke up with worst mood. T_______________T why ah? why me like this one??

but, good thing did happen actually, my pc finally got enough space for me to play Dance Online. Spent like 2 days to cleaning up my pc, lotta rubbish! yet, I know there're still virus hiden everywhere in it. It's time to format ler, goh goh, pinjam me your hard disk la please. >_<

Didn't really take picture during the dinner, and I'm so not in the mood to dress up. Just a tshirt with jeans, without glasses la. -________- (This was the picture taken after we came back from dinner).

Ok, that's all for the past 4 days. Bored and dead. Anyway, I appreciate this holiday so much even though I had bad mood. I hope tomorrow will be better, I mean both my day and mood.

CNY really will make people fat ah!!!! aiks......

Tomorrow will be the day having reunion dinner with family. I'm not really in the chinese new year mood yet. Or should I say, I always don't have chinese new year's feel, I just cant wait to get ang pau... =.=

Been ignored this place for almost 1 week, I have nothing to blog for, my life was as flat as .... as what? flat lo.... lack of activities, lack of laughter, lack of color, lack of spice, lack of ideas, lack of blablabla...

I got lotta phobia, include chinese new year phobia~ really. I just cant tell my feelings towards CNY, not a nice one. Everything seems to be purposely. I know clearly that's my problem, and trying to look things from different perspectives.

Oh well, just called and booked a room from a restaurant to have a yee sang dinner with uni buddies, okok, my cousin called and I just give my hp no. -.-

Ok la, Giung he Giung he!

My days were hectic this few weeks, with assignments and tests. And lotta time wasting on waiting him or her and also attending pointless forum and not to mention, bore-till-dead lectures.

We've completed our radio advertisement that made us worked from 9am-9pm. -.-
I'm not satisfied with my product, as Jo said: you have never happy with what you've done. well, she've got the point. BUT, I think I can do better...
I used to make myself regret or dissapointed. *big big sigh*

Btw, it's killing me when I played the ad with my notebook, the sounds of our ads were super soft, I turned the volume to max yet I still have to stick my ears to the speaker.... =.= WHAT HAPPEN? We gonna burn it out and submit already, why things always went wrong? It's very tirng ler...
will figure it out with Dr Nizam, I think.

Okay, since we spent most of the time for waiting our 'supervisor' to check our works, girl's favourite activity started. camwhore~~~ I wonder guys will ever think of wanna camwhore when they're bored.

Phoebe the DeeJay. Don't you think she can perfectly match with the audio thingy? ya, she's born to be a DeeJay. * crappy*
Girl, I love your ad so damn much, so so cute, I mean my voice! *perasan-ing*


San, the most "si mun" DeeJay in the town. >____<
Everything looks neat on her. Unfortunately, she've met her biggest competitor, Dr Nizam, the most tidy person I've ever met in my life. -___________________-


Having a little techno-stress when using too high tech gadget. Frankly, I enjoyed the process of editing though~~~
I just can't tell how much I love this jacket.

Okay, left 1 live programme and 2 tests to go! I'll fight to the end, end of January I mean. and... play hard for my chinese new year!!!! Not to touch any of my assignments during CNY *swear*

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Chloe was bored, noone allows her to play computer, she'll dl lotta games and virus to your pc... hahaha. Hence, she played with my handphone. >__<

To avoid her to simply detele one of your contact from the friend list or accidently call your enemy...what the strawberry, play with her. How? Take photos will do! =)


Me: Chloe, you pose some cute and innocent *sweat* expression, and I'll do the same expression as you did.
Chloe: Ok, baby! (she used to call me baby.) *faint*


1st: squeeze your face


Chloe's version
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Oh my, obviously, this expression doesn't work on me. I'm like suffering from constipation....
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FS said this photo very meat sour. hahaha

2nd: kissing

Oh dear, you're so cute! and sorry coz made the blusher too obvious. >___<

need not to enter a caption here.

3rd: cute puppy

Her best shot. very very cute and innocent~~~

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No, I didn't pose like her. ya, you know I didn't. xp

The game stopped when she kept on coughing, and my mum: Chloe, stay away from peggy jiejie, she'll has tests to sit for, don't spread the bacteria to her! ( mum is cruel) =.=
oh my, she is so pity. My dear, drink more water and we'll continue our pictures taking when you're recover ya!

wei! I'm so in love with Stacie Orrico's I'm not missing you and Avril Lavigne's Hot right now. ya, I know Hot wasn't a new song, but ya know? I'm just loving it... so much~ <3