Kissable sundae

"Thanks" to my laziness, sickness and undescribable loneliness... that stopped me for updating my blog,but den spent hours to read ppl's blog almost everyday. been locked myself at home since last fri.... emptiness overwhelmed me. I didn't find out the exact reason of being lonely or down, just a kind of feeling that I unable to describe. sometimes, just feel that I am so alone...

since I was a kid, I used to complain this and that, I always been expecting for so much. and at the end, keep on blaming everything that's around me.

I was so frustrated by my broken english, to avoid spelling and grammar error, I refused to update my blog, especially after reading so many good articles post by other bloggers. from here, I'll start to blame, blame my daddy for not speaking english with me, blame my mom for not sending me to english school....blablabla, but think clearly, they did ask me when I was 7, whether I wanna go convent school or chinese school, I chose chinese, my reason was only chinese school will has music lesson. obviously, I like to sing! well, I wonder convent school has music lesson as well? btw, I shouldn't start blaming the education. Many students can speak english fluently even they're from chinese school ah! The biggest problem was me, myself, I didn't really pay effort to improve my english level... hmm, should read more newspaper. But ppl who knows me well, will know that Im suck in folding newspaper, so I'll choose to read more Cleo or other magazine instead of reading the Star or NST. *swt*

I was so disappointed with what I always planned to do but end up failed. As u know, getting slimmer or getting prettier were my ultimate aim for my everyday live. =.= but yet I could hardly resist eating, and Im too lazy to exercise. I was planned to join dancing class since last century, but end up sitting here and playing facebook. Sometimes, I don't really know myself too. What can really motivate me to move?

One more thing I was often blaming for was my 'poverty'. okok, Im not poor but I know I was always ask for too much... been trying to satisfy myself with lotta clothes, cosmetic, bags... with my poor little amount of money in the pity lonely account. whenever my "shopaholic desire" cannot be fulfilled, I'll start to blame my dad again for not supplying enough cash for me to shop or blame silently why Im not from a rich family.... well, my bro was right, I should go find some part time jobs to earn myself money to being a spendthrift instead of sitting there and blaming.

Recently, I told my fren that Im lonely, and she asked why am I desire for a relationship that much? ehemmm, well, loneliness sometimes wasn't come from this, it might caused by emptiness that when u hav no one beside u when u need the someone, I mean friend. I cant tell the feelings of being friend-less, maybe that's only one of the side effects for day dreaming so much.

arghhhh, I doubt this post will make me sound irritating.... T___T and I doubt people will read the whole post. anywayz, to live a better life, I decided to sleep now, it's almost 3 in the midnight dy. nitez